THE (UPDATED) PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE (FOR MODERN TIMES)

(I must admit I often fudge when) 

I pledge allegiance 

(sometimes with an off-the-wall verbal divergence, 

as is my right, but never with any active insurgence,)

to the flag 

(be it flown at full or half mast, 

or worn as a shawl on hippie chick shoulders,

or sewn on the seat of her girlfriend’s pants) 

of the (often too rarely) United States of (North) America

(not to be confused by illegal immigrants 

with any other “shithole country”) 

and to the Republic

(both of working class stiffs and spaceshot oligarchs)

for which it stands, 

one Nation, (superpowered, overweening) 

under God 

(the one of our choosing, the one on our side), 

indivisible 

(rezoned by politicians, 

assuring alignment with the odds 

In their coming reelections),

with (whatever currently passes for) 

liberty 

(as long as you play by our constantly changing rules) 

and justice

(which may or may not descend swiftly on you if you don’t) 

for all 

(except those we never believed 

really should deserve it anyway).